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We are stuck in an illusion: What’s the Point?*

In a recent nightmare everything is vanishing. I struggle to hold onto something, but the holding only increases the vanishing. 

Why is the society that seemed to support the goodness in ourselves seem to be vanishing? How is it our society is becoming more and more self-centered?

At the core of the problem seems to be fear but not the fear that protects the body but the fear that protects the ego, that which makes us separate from everything else. The beliefs of the Ego-Self are what we use to protect us from this fear and whether they are fact or fiction based they separate us from our fears as well as from each other and the environment around us.

Beliefs are necessary to maintain the illusion of separateness. Without them the separateness dissolves and we become all things. The defense of our beliefs is the defense of our ego, our illusion of separateness. Without them the illusion disappears and we disappear as a thing, an entity separate from all other entities. We will defend our beliefs to the death of all those who threaten them as well as our own death for without our beliefs, what are we but the everything, the whole, the All? And as All we cease to exist as does everything else.

Letting go of our illusions is a form of Kenosis, an act of “self-emptying”. I’m reminded of the story of Jacob’s Ladder in the Christian Bible where a ladder ascends from the earth-bound illusion to the heavens i.e. from the mundane of things to the everything/nothing of the divine.

My ego is terrified for it translates as oblivion as in becoming nothing i.e., no thing. What’s the point? 

It seems that our beliefs not only make us something but also give us a point for being.

This is not to say that one must be stuck in a belief for in a reality of infinite beliefs there’s a lot to experience and just maybe that’s the point.

*This article can also be found in The Book of Dreams blog

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Dark trees and shining moon

Plate 131 In Jung’s Red Book

In Jung’s Redbook on page 131 there’s a dark tree superimposed on a moonlike image that represents the joining of opposites, in this case the earth and the celestial realms, but also brings forth the feminine* and the unconscious aspects of the moon.

It also represents the flashes of insight that illuminate the hidden aspects of ourselves. The tree can represent the Self.

I see these trees everywhere against the full and partial moon as I take my nighttime walks that I use as a time of peacefulness, centeredness, and contemplation. I’m reminded of my own psychic journey as every one of these images synchronistically ** come into view. On this psychic journey, which Jung suggests that we are all on, I search my inner self for that which may bring psychological wholeness by looking for those sparks from the shadows of the unconscious.

An example of one of my shadow tree images

*Please note that I am not referring to biological gender when I use terms such as feminine or masculine. They are aspects that appear to represent generally ways of viewing reality, e.g., Compassion, inclusiveness, relatedness, intuitiveness, receptivity, nurturance, and linked to the unconscious as feminine aspects with assertiveness, action orientation, the conscious, and autonomy linked to the masculine. Each of us have both aspects with some groupings being more dominant than others.

** Acausal events that are seemingly coincidental (unlinked) that may mirror internal thoughts or feelings e.g., thinking of someone who then calls for the first time in a long time.

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“Throw a line into the darkness”

The Nightmare by-Henry Fuseli

The other day while watching a rather intriguing detective series on PBS titled Anika I became aware of the background music and its rather haunting lyrics. The theme song “Bringing Murder to the Land” by Newcome and Allison spoke to me in another way than perhaps it was intended as a theme song for a murder drama.

“Throw a line into the darkness

Oh, we are shadows, blaze inside

This light will shine unbroken tonight

Shine inside

And this light, it can blind us

Torch the shadows for all time

And you can color in my dark nights

Paint your promise over me

This light will shine unbroken tonight

Shine inside

Shine tonight

Shine tonight

Shine tonight

Burn

Burn

Burn

Burn

Burn”

The first line, “Throw a line into the darkness,” reminds me of what the mind is doing through a nightmare. It’s also reminiscent of “fishing,” a metaphor for bringing up something from the spiritual and the deep so that one can deal with it in the light. While trying to bring this darkness into the light of consciousness, “Oh, we are shadows, blaze inside. This light will shine unbroken tonight; shine inside. And this light, it can blind us, torch the shadows for all time” these lines suggest to me that we can be overwhelmed and blinded by the darkness of our shadow self as it grows in brightness, entering our awareness. Bringing the dark into the light can add color to our darker natures, and by looking more closely at the nightmare, it can hold much promise for bringing light into our future nights and “burn” away our fears.

Perhaps it was the mysterious and haunting way the music was sung and the slight reverb in its presentation that wormed its way into my soul, or maybe it was the cryptic lyrics. Still, it struck me as the perfect theme for the nightmare dreaming and interpreting genre.

Murder in a dream can conjure the need for change or the effects change can have on one’s status quo. It can also be about ending some vexing issues, habits, or behavior.

Bright lights can symbolize spiritual awakening from the darkness of the ego coming through the hidden aspects of the unconscious, which can be quite shocking at first when one sees a different reality than the one they have been living.

The ‘’burn, burn, burn…” in a dream can be about something that you can’t just ignore. This may be true of any occasional nightmare. If one is human, There is repressed material in the unconscious mind that can affect everything done in the conscious world. Nightmares bring light to that hidden material, especially when it causes problems that must be addressed.

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Morpheus Speaks: The Encyclopedia of Dream Interpreting

Over 5000 dream descriptors with everyday dream images and image interpretations of the Zodiac and Tarot that show up in dreams. The book also includes a section on nightmares and current research and treatment for excessive nightmare dreams.

Learn the possible meanings of snakes, witches, and death in your dreams, kittens, wise old men/women, or angels. What might it mean if you’re being chased or shot at, drowning or trying to find a bathroom, or just standing out in the open naked?

There’s also a section on how to remember your dreams.

See the ordering picture link on the right-side column.

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Animals in Dreams: The dark and light sides of the Wolf

          The Wolf Moon

At 10:54 PST on the 25th of January the full moon, known as the Wolf Moon by the ancients because the wolves would howl at it during this time, filled our skies with its eerie glow.

Animals in dreams generally speak to ones drives and feelings about events and people when the usual social controls are lifted. Frequently they reflect one’s attitudes about them i.e., whether one loves or fears them. Animals can also reflect our soul and its condition.

The wolf has been a mysterious and savage beast of the forest showing up in fairy tales, cult mythology, and dark legends. Men have been turned into werewolves transformed with every full moon. Legends go all the way back to the story of Gilgamesh in 1800 BCE where a woman turns her cheating lover into a werewolf.

Werewolves can also suggest the need for or announce the oncoming of a transformation in one’s life or that one’s personality is cycling between affable and prickly.

In Greek mythology the Wolf-God was Apollo and to the Romans the wolf was sacred to Mars, the god of war. It was during these ancient times that gods and monsters roamed the earth. One of the most fearsome of the wolf monster tales was the Norse myth of Fenrir who was so powerful that he threatened all the earth and had to be bound up by the gods.

As a power symbol they can reflect one’s own power and the need to use it or use it less.

Wolves also show up in our dreams and not just as nightmares, though they can speak to our darker natures. The wolf can represent our wildness and represent freedom and independence. They can represent loyalty and be guardians and even spirit animals i.e., a messenger, guide, or teacher that comes to us in times of need. To the Native American Zuni of the Southwest the wolf is a pathfinder and trailblazer. 

The image of a wolf in a dream can also suggest the need to work together as a team. As a teacher animal in a dream look to see what it is doing. Is there a lesson to be learned or some lesson that needs to be taught? As teachers they can open one to their inner nature and intuitive sense. They can be messengers of one’s need to pay attention to this intuitive sense and be more conscious of one’s environment and what’s going on around them. 

Though wolves are pack animals and thus represent family they can also be loners as in a “lone wolf” or reflect the need to be more social or inclusive of others.

When interpreting, consider phrases like “The wolf at your door” (financial issues); Cry wolf (A false alarm, making up stories for attention); keep the wolves at bay (Fight against trouble or someone attacking you); Wolf whistle (rude and unwanted attention); Big bad wolf (evil/trying to eat the good or create havoc). 

________________

*Dream meanings come from the book Morpheus Speaks: The Encyclopedia of Dream Interpreting

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Is this all there is?

My nightmarish dreams of late seem to be ones of struggle, fear, turbulence, upheaval, escape, and are full of disappointment and limited solution and purposelessness. What’s the point of life I’ve wondered?

Over the years I’ve had these mind-blowing epiphanies, seemingly profound insights, spot on intuitions, dreams of the divine, imaginative stories, and magical moments. I’ve suffered, experienced joy, been hurt, soared with success, and fallen into the dark abyss of failure and loss. I’ve lived my life to the fullest I knew how. So what?

And try as I will, I can’t answer the ‘so what’ question. I guess I expected something to happen that never did, that there would be a profound understanding at the end. But nothing? I didn’t see that coming. Paul of the bible walks down a road and has an epiphany that not only changes the direction of his life but creates a whole new religion. I have an epiphany, several actually, and nothing, ho hum, just another day at the office.

What the hell!

I have what by accepted definition are profound life altering mystical experiences and what do I get? Nothing, nada, nichts. Everything’s the same as always only I no longer see the world in quite the same way, but the joy effect eventually wears off even if the change in perspective doesn’t. The only difference is I now don’t seem to fit in anywhere. And my so-called mystical experiences amount to what? I can’t even claim to be a mystic. Again, so what?

Here I am at the end of it all and all I’ve got is a big so what. I remember a Peggy Lee song where she sang, “Is that all there is?” wherein she exclaims, “Then let’s keep dancing.” Like for Peggy, I find myself disappointed but it’s a disappointment only because I thought there was some secret purpose to it all, but it seems that the dance of life has only one purpose and its not enlightenment, or to gain deep knowledge of the mysteries of the universe. The purpose may just be to dance, and to experience it as I go for no other reason than to dance. Maybe this is all God wants me to do. Who knows why? But I spoil it when I try to make it something else. 

So, what am I learning through these musings? Well, could it be to sing while I’m singing, cry when I’m crying, and dance when I’m dancing? Can it really be that simple?

Maybe we’re all just God having an experience that can only happen through a body and every experience acknowledged or not is what God wants from us and what it wants from itself. In this way how can I/we disappoint? How can any of it be disappointing? 

Once again, it seems that it’s the ego-self that likes to overthink things and create a ground of being for disappointment, but even that too may be part of the purpose for our being. Hell, we/I can’t lose!

It appears that the ‘what’s so’ of my life is also the ‘so what’ and together they make up the whole of life.

Then let’s keep dancing.

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Time has a sound.

Time has a sound.

I can hear the passing of it in the silence of the forest,

In the quiet after the music stops,

At the end of a sigh,

And when mind chatter is briefly hushed.

I can hear time when the wind curls through the branches of a tree,

In the laughter of a child at play, the infinite sounds of love, 

a baby suckling at her mother’s breast, and in a song well delivered.

I hear it in my mind and in the deepest parts of my body and soul.

It is what the soul comes into the world to hear.

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I want to go home

from flickriver.com

Last night I had one of what I call a “lonely dream.” No images or story are remembered just the feeling of loneliness. Frequently I don’t bother to write this dream down for what is there to say about it? But I also get the same feeling while wide awake. It’s a haunting feeling and I have got to ask what is this about?

Recently I learned  that the South Africans have a saying when greeting each other. When one says “Sawubona” they are saying “We see you. We see you as you really are” with the response being, “Sikhona” meaning “I am here to be seen”. For me this greeting speaks to what I long for, to be truly seen and accepted for who I am and to see you and accept you for who you truly are. No trying to look good or at least not look bad. No trying to be other than who you really are. This kind of authentic interaction is in my experience rare and can be an extremely intimate way of greeting one another. When this greeting is truly and sincerely given, it requires the gift of immense vulnerability. 

Most people I’ve met cannot give me that gift nor have I been able to always give it from myself. But I want to, I long to, I ache to give it. Once in a while the captive energy of the need to connect at a deep level becomes too much and I share a vulnerability and then after being ignored or shied from I become embarrassed and promise myself to never again open myself up to people in this fashion. But then the need to be seen grows too strong in me and I do it again.

Sometimes in the dark of night or in the darkness of despair at any time of day I find myself crying out, “I want to go home!” It is often said as though coming from the deep down child in me. It usually follows the feeling of loneliness that has sometimes shown up in my darker dreams or while just driving down the road to do some shopping.

I’ve often uttered these words almost as a prayer but what does it mean?

Home for me is a safe place, a place where who I am is known, a place where I am wanted, where I am seen, cared for and about, and loved. It’s a place where everything is okay, where nothing can hurt me, where I am fully accepted for who I am and who I am being, though such a place has never existed for me in its entirety. It lives within me more as a fantasy, a wish, a place half remembered from a place before my time, a place I was born from, and not into. I call out to this place when I am feeling lost and alone. It’s a place that my soul seems to know, and it is from there that the cry comes from.

When said into the light of day the darkness seems to lighten somewhat.

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Imagine that!

Reading the Science section of the New York Times* this morning while sipping coffee I chanced upon an article detailing an astronomical observation of a supernova, a dying star that exploded and whose light and existence we are still witnessing one billion years later. Imagine that! We can look back through time and see something a billion years in the past right now in the present moment as though the star, its planets, and living things, if any, were still here with us. Imagine that!

Now I know that what we are seeing is the gross radiation of the star that in its own space and time no longer exists and the resolution is nowhere near what it would need to be to discern its planets and their life. However, this got me to thinking what if the resolution were powerful enough to see not only the star and its planets but the people on one of those planets and to be able to follow their emanations across their life cycle? We would be witnessing individuals who are living and being across a billion years of history as though they were still here. Beings a billion years old, Imagine that! Imagine someone from a galaxy millions and billions of years away with the technology to watch you live your life.

At some level we are all just data expressed as a living entity. But this data never ends when we end. The data from each of our lives outlives us by unimaginable time spans. A scientist would tell you that this data might not be cohesive enough to stretch that far across time and would become hopelessly corrupted to be almost unrecognizable. Even though the first law of thermodynamics suggests that energy cannot be created or destroyed and that according to the second law it will over time increase in its disorder, at the point of observation we may be witnessing what was so a billion years ago. A single life may be witnessed yet again a billion times over. Imagine that! 

From the perspective of some imagined observer our actions whether they be good, evil, or stupid will live forever. Our hate, self-centeredness, self-righteousness, bigotry, ignorance, grief, joy, compassion, passion, and love will be projected outward into the universe for all time to see.

From the perspective of a creator of the universe, if there be one, our existence can live on indefinitely. I think we’d better shape up if we’re going to be around that long.

____

*page D2, April 18, 2023

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An Anxiety Dream

Young student in front of blackboard istock photo

The Dream: In a classroom having missed a test I was told to solve the problem written on the board. Try as I would, I could not solve the problem. In fact, I didn’t even understand the problem or how to break it down into its simplest form. It was as though I had no understanding of the math involved, too stupid to even get started. Finally, embarrassed, and greatly saddened, I admitted before everyone and the teacher that I didn’t know how. I knew that by admitting this I had failed and my career as a student would end. I awoke depressed anxious, and agitated, a failure and loser. The teacher consoled me with “that’s alright”.

Comments on the dream: Oh my! I thought, “I hope this dream was not confirming my constant worry that I am stupid and everyone around me knows it”.

I then remembered an earlier blog article* that I wrote on the purpose of life. When I write on such things, I always worry that these explorations of life are sophomoric and reveal my ignorant and immature nature (my apologies to college Sophomores a period of my life that I enjoyed immensely and seem in many ways to have never grown out of).

In the article I packed it all under the rubric of “Mystery” that basically I love a mystery because I don’t have to have the answer or be able to parse the meaning. I can just enjoy my ignorance and play the Fool even if others think me stupid. By aligning myself with the great mystery that is life I can’t really be wrong. As the dream says I am not a student of answers but of questions and mystery. And the dream also reveals that admitting my lack before everyone is the first step in the acceptance of self. The teacher in me says that that’s just fine. 

_______

*2-27-23 The Book of Dreams blog

Why? What’s the purpose?